Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I need to align my fucking chakras
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
