oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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