I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Randomize