I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
