sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
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