Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
