On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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