I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
