im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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