If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize