I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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