I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
The air was thick with penises
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
