I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
