we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
