saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
