I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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