You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
