kristin has been a bad kristin
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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