respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
