there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
