There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
