I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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