They should really pass out barf bags in church
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize