And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
