So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I am one with the molecules
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
