Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
