He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
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