My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
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