Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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