My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
