People in love make me want to vomit
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
