Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
