I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
