I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
