just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
