Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I will pee on everything he values.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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