Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
