there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
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