Define "chronic" masturbator.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Randomize
