The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
