Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Randomize
