I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
