he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
