i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
