hotel room ftw
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Randomize
