I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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