I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
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