halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
