literally had 100 drinks last night.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
