Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
