I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
