this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Randomize
