hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
