My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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