You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
This baby is an asshole
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
