It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
how drunk are you?
Several
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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