Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Randomize
