I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
