i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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