ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
