Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize