Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
