there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Less talking, more tequila
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
