why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
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