I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
